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1) Finding your path.
Finding
Your Path....
Forward, To The Life You Really Want.
Ever
feel that you may not be living the life you are meant to live?
Perhaps you have sensed that you are not fully alive, or that there may be more
to life that what you now have?
You
are not alone.
It's one of most common experiences we have, a feeling that there must be
something more. Many
people come to coaching because they sense they are not doing what they're meant to do or living the life they are meant to live. To some
this manifests as a feeling that they have more to give, that somehow they are
underutilizing or wasting time doing things that don't really matter to
them. Others just notice a lack of enthusiasm, a sense that a significant
part of them is not fully alive. This feeling of the existence of a
"better way" is universal. And helping someone choose the most
meaningful path forward, is one of the favorite things I do as a coach.
"To
find in ourselves what makes life worth living is risky business, for it means
that once we know
we must seek it. It also means that without it, life will be valueless."
– Marsha Sinetar
First let's clarify a misconception. When people talk about finding "their path", they are often under the mistaken belief that there's just one true path for them. In other words, just one best way for them to live their life. Many feel that if they don't find this "one way" their life will be wasted. This is a mistake. In fact the "one-path" perspective sets you up for the frustration of sitting on the sidelines of your life waiting for the ultimate path to present itself. As opposed to meandering down the best path that is currently in front of you, in faith that it will lead you to better and better things.
"a path is only a
path"
- Carlos Castenada
To
find the best path forward,
you must first look back.
At any time, we all face alternative ways forward. To make a good choice amongst
the various options, we must first look back. For
in looking back and reviewing those special
activities or experiences of your life that gave you a heightened sense of being
alive, we gain insights into who we really are and what it is that makes us come
more fully alive.
"Often people
attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more
money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first be who you are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have
what you want."
– Margaret Young
Find
the underlying values.
The peak moments of your life - when you felt like you were making
a difference or felt like a winner or had the experience that time either
disappeared or flew by quickly - always point to your underlying values. For
example, some of my peak moments involve special moments when I really helped someone,
or developed an idea into a business, or laughed and played with family and
friends, or traveled to some remote and beautiful
places. These stories reveal that some of my "core" (most
important) values are "making a difference", "creativity",
"fun", "family & 'friends", "adventure" and "nature
and beauty".
Now these are just a few of my core values, but if we were having a conversation about the important moments of my life these and my other core values would come up time and time again. In other words one or more of these values were always present in those most important moments, those moments when I felt most alive.
The right path
= a fulfilled
life = a life aligned to your values.
Here's a simple yet
powerful truth. A more fulfilling life - and a sense that you are on the "right
path" - is simply the dividend of a life aligned with your core values. In other words, a life that is more in line with
those things that are most important to you is fulfilling and feels right.
And in contrast using my example, if I have no ability to
create, or make a difference, have fun, connect to friends or family, or be out in nature, (i.e. or cannot regularly
enjoy my core values) then I feel very much off my path. I have a deep
sense that something is wrong or missing.
To the extent that my life is fully aligned with my core values, ( i.e. - I have more creativity, am able to make more of a difference and frequently enjoy moments out in nature), I feel more fully alive and have a sense that I am right where I am meant to be. It feels like my life is unfolding as it should.
"To be
nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to
make you everybody else –
means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and
never stop fighting."
– e.e.cummings
Let your Core
Values be the compass that guides you.
When you know your core values and use them to guide your decision making, you can expect your
fulfillment to increase, dramatically. It is just that simple.
However you should know that the nature of fulfillment is that an abundance of one value area, does not make up for a deficient in other areas. In my example, if I had a career full of creativity a part of me would feel content. But if this was obtained at the expense of making a difference or routinely being out in nature, I would have an underlying sense that something was missing. Saying this another way, to experience very high levels of fulfillment you must ensure all your core values are being honored.
"The winds of
grace are always blowing,
but it is you that must raise your sails."
– Rabindranath Tagore
It's a
Mysterious Journey
When you know what
your core values are, and head off to align your life to them, the first
thing you will discover is that it is a journey.
The second thing you will discover is that the universe may conspire to assist you. You may experience the sensation of swimming with the currents of life, instead of struggling against the stream. ( Don't ask me to explain it. It just happens.)
Your job is to make sure you are always living an authentic and fulfilling life. Keep connected to your core values and the wisdom they provide. And move forward a step at a time with faith, strong intention, and without attachment.
Finally, for another perspective on paths, I have included a great quote from Castaneda.
A PATH WITH HEART
From Carlos Castaneda’s
Apprentice to a Yaqui Sorcerer
Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any condition. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition.
I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it.
I will tell you what it is….. Does this path have heart?
That's it for this month. Have a great Holiday season, and I'll be in touch in the New Year.
All the best,
Steve
Steve Mitten CPCC, MCC is a Master Certified Coach, who works one-on-one with individuals, entrepreneurs, business professionals, and new coaches who want to make dramatic progress in their careers, relationships, finances, time management, self-awareness, health and vitality, and professional development - so they can fully experience true success.
As a coach Steve helps clients set goals that are truly important to them, (and a great fit for their interests and talents) and achieve more, faster, than they could on their own. .
Visit Steve at www.acoach4u.com and sign up for a free coaching consultation.